sighs.
I really don't know what to do now.
making choices, its a gamble.


went down to Imodels for my interview
(I was approached, FYI)
it was a pretty attractive deal
except for the portfolio part
SGD$590 for the photo-shoot
paid the 100 bucks deposit already
came back home
and mom says I'm stupid
both of them disagree of me, totally
but they've got a point this time:

1. I'm not very good looking, there are tons out there who are better. What makes me think that I will get selected for an Ad/TV?

2. I'm getting broke. I don't even wanna look at my bank balance.

3. $590 for the portfolio, then another $500 deducted from my first job pay makes it nearly 1.1k. Its not gonna come back to me in a short while now, can it? Even the processing takes ONE month! so there will only be calls coming in after one month, and it might not even happen!(refer to points 1 and 4)

4. there are so many people still out there, be it model wannabes or other's waiting to be approached. After i get my first Ad/TV and cleared the 500 bucks they might just throw in tons of new faces to their clients, what chances to I have left then?

5. money problems, they suck. I haven do my poly clothes shopping (get my contacts too!), treat both my family and my god family to a dinner and personal use etc. Will 0.5k left in my bank (after the portfolio deduction) even be enough? Anytime soon there will be people inviting me to drinks here and there :(

6. get another steady paying job? at a time like this? impossible!

7. 8. 9... blah blah blah.
But the point is: I NEED MONEY!!!
...
ARRGGGHHH!

no wonder i look so OLD.


just realized how fucking limited my wardrobe is.
later photo-shoot liao, DIE!
no blazers
no vest
no long-sleeve casual eg. turtle neck
no sports wear
no shoes... zomg! :(
there's practically nothing i have that is required in the list. Damn.


Mental note:
chuz still owe me 27 bucks :P hehe
but 27 bucks against 590 bucks?... Fucks D:


Ultimately, whatever i do or decide... i will regret either ways.
I'm in some REAL deep shit now.