dunno wad to post...

ss n bio paper 2dae...
dam...
nvr finish both...
rlly fail liao la
amaths test oso CMI

aft dismiss went cherry hse
plae DOA again...
tis time she trash mi lol
den terry tio owned n call of duty 3
lol anti-tank guns so fun...
mi n cherry actin lyk retards oso la
suicide match dam fun...
laughed lyk hell...

... so tired sia now

went to woodlands library 2dae
studied wif pris n cherry...
suppose to study
but i jus cant get anyting into my head!
den pris sae i eat her tofu...
==
she oso got eat mine de...
><

both laughed at my hair
i dun lyk it lor
its short n it jus sux lar
cant get used to it sia
vry depressin leh
espescially to sum1 hus havin examz!
lol...
tok cok... hehx

tmr is ss n bio paper
n got Amaths test...
wads worst is
im not prepared!
wtf...
2daes to study n still nth?
omgg...
dieee...
zzz
==
wadeva i do...
i mus not giv up...
nvr sae fail...
0o
FAIL LIAO LA!!!
lolx



...i rmb the time we use to study tgt...
ur smile...
my jokes...
n raisins...
...too bad they're gone...
nth but the past...
its history...
jus memories...
...its fadin away...

no more fringe ler...
siiann!
==

din rlly do much lar 2dae...
went out 4 lunch wif mum...
saw ling kai...
den went cut hair
cut until short
not lyk mi liao lor...

wan see how long it is b4?
msn display pic...
go see urself...

wan see how its is now?
dowan lar...
fkin ugly...
not showing

my fringe tio caught liao...
tis time no running away ler...
so sad...

Eng exam 2dae...
paper 1 and 2...
tmr MT...
gg...

aft school lunched wif pris, cherry, jeremy, zhi ying, dennis, kang wei

...the weather
its warm...
dun eu tink?

haven done much lately...
maybe its cos im being boring again...
...boring...
tts the kinda person i am...
i guess...

examz starts on thurs...
wow...
n im still slackin...
no matter how much i wanna buck up
i jus cant be bothered...
no ones gonna save mi now...
sadly, the only person capable of tt would b miself...
only mi
no one else...
if i dun make a move soon
...correction...
if i dun make a move Now...
i'll jus rot... n go nowhr
wonder if i wan dat...
nah...
lets jus get tis over n done wif...



im hallucinating...
weird...
n everytime i close mi eyes...
she appears...
now i can see her... again
wavin goodbyes at mi
n...
leaving . . .
disappearin into the horizon of darkness...
leaving . . .

...im goin crazy...

jus changed mi blogskin...
shld b abit lagg lar sowie peepz...

went to suntec for GCA 2dae...
games convention asia...
dam fun lor...
alot big n small company set up booth here...
but alot ppl...
plaed crysis thr...
ling jie won at a mini tornament
tt game is blackshot
n its new... i tink
cos nvr heard b4
i shall jus let pics do the tokin bah...
i lazy =]
ppl doin cosplay...











aft tt went vernon hse plae abit...
zy cherry pris yonghan jeremy all thr...
plus mi n lingjie tt makes 8 ppl...
too bad we came late
miss out the fun i guess...

happy bdae eugene...

Andy made himself a fool again...
during eng he threw sweet wraper on mi n eric...
den said it was 'guanying ma's bless'
wen i picked 1 up n threw bak...
he said ' i will giv eu guanying ma's breast'...
lol
felt bored so drew on eric's arm...
added a 'not' to the word 'hairy'

EOY in 1 weeks time...
shit!...

sore throat liao...
reason? oreo lor...
eat too much...

my foot is jus not in gd condition...
reason? someone drop rock on my foot durin obs...
the sharp edge cut into my flesh...
mi shoes din help absorb the shock at all...
it din even hav a proper sole ==
the wound open recently n got infected
fk...
now i even got prob walkin


stop askin mi smile lar
i dun wan to smile
n i dun lyk to smile
i hate wearin tt smile in front of ppl
its jus a mask to hide how i rlly feel
i find no reason to smile at all

im close to gettin a nervous brk down now...
in other words...
im losin my mind...

found tis in my somewhr in my documents...
felt lyk maybe i shld share it bah...
its 1 of my assignments...

its not real... its fiction

I could still remember us, back here in this café. We had our hands held together while she rested on my shoulders. The aroma of coffee filled the air as we joked and laughed softly while the time past, enjoying ourselves like there was no tomorrow. All I could think of then was just me and her being together for life. Upon this nostalgic feeling that swept past me every time I came here, I tend to laugh at myself for being so naïve, and to realise that she was just a big mistake I had made in my life although the fact that I once claimed to be my everything. Now that I am back here to where we started, I felt that it was time to end this. It was time to say goodbye.

She was a typical kind of girl any boy would want to have. A slim figure with some impressive curves. Silky black hair and bright, hazel coloured eyes and a gorgeous smile. Expressive and cheerful, just the way I like her to be. We met in our secondary school days, when she was in secondary two while I was one year older. We were different in many ways, like she came from a wealth family while I even had to help make ends meet by taking up part time jobs, she was an athlete while I was a computer freak, and she loved sweet stuff while I detest them. But we had one thing in common. We loved coffee. We got to know each other through coffee and right here in the same café that we went to almost every morning.

On the first day that we met, I remembered that I came to this café for breakfast and she sat opposite me at another table. We were facing each other and we both ordered coffee. She had hers with milk n sugar, while I liked mine black. I only realised that she noticed me when she caught me looking at her. She smiled warmly and pretended to concentrate on her book, but I knew she was glancing at me at times. Days past and we came to know each other. Soon I find myself sitting with her every morning while she tried to strike up a conversation almost immediately after we had greeted each other. Then, we would walk to school together and meet up during lunch just to be together. From just casual friends we turned into very close friends and eventually lovers, and managed to stay that way for a year. However things started to change from then on.

For the past few days I had been practicing on what to say to her, and how I should end our relationship. When I tried to hint her that I wanted to break up bit by bit, it did not seem to work. She thought I was joking, just like she always did, which left me no choice but to switch to plan B. I got ready a mirror and prepared what I would be saying to her on that day, and practiced it over and over again while editing it at times to make sure that it was neither too harsh nor too soft on the tone. I even managed to perfect it as if it was my own name after almost a hundred times without fail. But sometimes I wondered about her reaction. Would she burst into tears like the last time I made her angry? Or would she just laugh and assumed that I was kidding? It really bothered me that I could never really understand girls well.

I asked her out here today to get this over and done with. As I sat down and recalled all the times we had, I questioned myself if I still love her. At times I hated her attitude, but waited for her to come around even when she let me down. I never wanted her to hate me, but I thought she needed to know that no one would benefit from this relationship if it went on. There was no point in forcing, there was no turning back. The coffee I was holding in my hands was getting cold so I took a sip and tried to enjoy it. It was not bitter, rather was it sweet or with a creamy taste. The aroma was not present either. The coffee was tasteless. Then, I realised her entered the café.

She ordered coffee as she sat down next to me.

‘You’ve got something to say to me, don’t you?’ She smiled. The waiter came and lowered her drink on the table. She placed her cup on her lips while I began to speak.

‘And I believe you have something to say too right? I asked, smiling. ‘Well ladies first!’

She chuckled and told me to go first. However, as I opened my mouth to speak, I realised that I could not. My heart was beating so quickly that I was panting and sweating profusely. My mouth felt dry and my lips numbed. I felt uneasy. Something that I could repeat a hundred times over and over again just could not come out of my mouth at all, not even once. What an embarrassment.

(skip tis para if eu dun lyk it...)
All of a sudden, I felt something warm on my lips. The delicious, sweet taste filled my mouth as she pressed her lips against mine. It was passionate and irresistible. I caught myself wanting more when she stopped. Knowing that she could not let go of me, it made me more reluctant to break up with her.
(jus skip it... dun hesitate...)

changed mi blog song...


it shld be over now...
the price is paid...
i survived...

the things i posted previously...
they shldnt be all true...
...when shadows are present, light will always be around...


goin off now...
may post again later...
im slpin lyk a pig recently
slpt after dinner at 6pm...
all the way up to 8.30am tis morning...
...wow...
sure to get a headache soon... slpin tis much


~lalala...
forcin smiles...
they dont come frm my hart...
...they're not true
everything is a lie...

home...
which is known to be the best place ever...
~i tink otherwise...

parent...
said to be someone you need more than anyone else...
~bullshit...

life..
everyone has one... and only one...
suppose to cherish it and live it to the fullest...
enjoy every moment you have alive...
~wad a joke...

love...
the language of the world...
speaks from the hart...
everyone needs it...
~wad kind of crap is this?...


my world is topsy-turvy...
and it always will be...
y am i here?
y am i even born?
do i hav to suffer this?
15 years and counting...
15 years...
long enuf to cre8 wonders...
long enuf to turn black hair grey...
long enuf to see the world...
...long enuf to turn an infant to a teen...
in this 15 years...
wad hav i truly achieved?...
was it to best your best in eveyting?
was it to jus get up, survive, and go bak to bed?
or was it to find out wad life is really about...

now...
i find no interest to move on...
i couldnt care-less about everyting...
nothing turns out right...
even the best place on earth called home is a living hell
even your closes parents cage you in lyk a monster...
tinkin that its the best for you...
they dont trust you becos you make mistakes...
they dont understand you...
they only wanted you to be wad they planned for...
they care too much... poisonin you instead...
although they love you... its hurtin you dearly...
even life can be sufferable...
its true that not everyting in life will turn out to be as planned...
but will anyting ever work out as planned?
i wonder...
could it be that i haven tried hard enuf?
possible...

i will press on...
dont trust mi...
dont count on it...
cos im plannin on wad i shld do...
n nothing works well for mi...
im livin a life full of regrets...
im not sure if i can survive to be bak here postin tmr nite...
its gonna be chaos... hell reign

long time nvr post liao...
but everytime i sat in front of the com...
i cant seem to get mi fingers movin...

OBS!
5daez on ubin...
ROX... except 4 the weather
kinda miss the outdoor life...

dae1...
lots of admin stuff to do... boring
got to noe mi other watch-mates...
adeline,
alicia,
andrew,
dion,
esther,
hong yuan,
jack,
jia xian,
jie ying,
gk,
nazrul,
sarah,
veronica,
xiao hui,
yong jie
we're in cheng ho watch...
instructor was dayah
blah blah blah...
(i fill in the details next time bahh... cos vry long)

came bak on fridae...
mom was worried...
cos on the 3rd nite rained lyk hell...
went bak home stinkin...
after a long bath lunched wif ling jie at BPP mac...
missed Big Mac
bought dinner 4 bro cos he nid go 4 tuition
den slpt frm 6pm all the way to next dae

woke up at round 10 plus...
used com awhile den went out 2 order specs
went bak home n slp again
ima pig...

cant rlly rmb much on sundae...
all i noe was tt i was forced to get a haircut...
den went out wif family...
tt nite was hell... family problemz

some things i found out after i came bak...
-dad started to take heavier medications...
tt old man is not holdin on any longer...
dam...
-my parents planned to transfer mi to another sch
if mi academic results still dont improve...
another bad news...
-im dying... soon

i kinda had a twin sibing...
i knew tis all along...
jus so happen to recall it...
whr is my twin?
guess wad...
...i kill him/her...
... accidentally
bak den i wasnt even born yet...
we were both still undeveloped foetus...
for some unknown reason i damaged the other physically...
it was around the 1st few weeks...
n disappeared as time past...
im feelin guilty... even if it wasnt intentional
tis guilt will live on i guess...

i wish for a life without love...
absence of feelins...
and affection towards her...
but tts imposible...
it still hurts everytime i see them both... tgt
i jus wan to 4get n live on...
love wont get mi anywhr...
it cant feed mi nor give mi shelter...
its jus plain useless... 4 now
if i dun 4get her... i'll die
wastin mi whole life...
i dun want tt
its not her fault...
it nvr was...
the problem lies within mi...
feedin on mi inside out...
now thrs jus too much pressure on mi...
mi sch work, academic results, family problems, parental pressure, exam stress plus more...
now wad? love?
...SCREW OFF!
i hate my life...
i swore at my childhood days...
i look away frm the future...
here i am now,
standin in the middle of nowhere...
left to rot in the open...
how more fuckin excitin could life be?

sowie guyz... abit tired aft obs camp
will be postin soon...
pls wait ar thx...